So Jen looked at me a few minutes before class today and went “Dylan?” I replied, “Jen?”. And she goes “You’re upset.” I admitted it, and she said “Let’s talk about it.” We didn’t really talk about it, so I think I’ll talk about it here.
We all got surprised the other day by Jen’s news that she has to give up her classes. I’m not the only one who hates it that she’ll be leaving. Most of us are dealing with mixed feelings about it; we feel happy for her because she’s great and she deserves this great opportunity. (If you’re one of those who don’t like Jen, I’m not talking to you. These are not the droids you’re looking for, move along.) But, of course, since she’s such a good and unique teacher we don’t want to lose her. This is a sad fact. Personally, I’d already decided to take Jen for 102 and it disappoints me so much that’s not going to happen now. To throw in another nerd reference, I would have gone with her to the end, into the very fires of Mordor.
Enough geekiness. Forgive me, it’s just my way of not getting too sad.
It’s really hard for me because of my touchy history with instructors. When I find one I really like and click with I just wish I could bottle their essence up and tuck them away safely on one of my mental shelves. This similar situation has happened to me before and I can’t help but get disappointed. There was my beloved 11th grade social studies teacher Mr. Schafer who I really wanted to get for government in 12th grade. Guess what? He was so good that he moved on to university level. Gone. Another time, in a college algebra course, Dr. Patterson made math alive and understandable to me in a magical way I’d never experienced before. Halfway through the semester, he retired to create his own investing business. Another gone.
And here we go again…
It’s only been a couple weeks, but I’ve really enjoyed these classes with you guys and Jen. It hasn’t been long enough to get as attached as with those other teachers, but it really was like a horse-kick in the chest to hear Jen’s news the other day. (Horses kick hard, don’t they? Or is that donkeys?) I don’t want her to go. I wish it could be put off a year or something. It just sucks. I’m really excited about the direction this class has been headed and I think it’s not going to be the same now. How could it be?
I mentioned on an earlier blog a bit about how I was very skeptical about the class at first. I didn’t really elaborate , but I thought the blogging concept was very sketchy and I didn’t want to do it. I really didn’t want to do it. I mean I really really was not going to fucking do it. But I already liked Jen enough (as well as a lot of you guys in this class, you’re really such a great group of people!) that I didn’t want to give up because of it. So I talked with Jen for a few minutes and I could see how committed she was to the idea. She didn’t want me to drop the class over this, and I didn’t want to drop the class. She talked me into it not by talking me into it(does that make sense?) but by being open to my bitchiness, and not shrinking from it, and not getting irritated with me for questioning her, but by kind of asking me to take the leap of faith with her and with all of you guys. How could I say no to that challenge? That’s the kind of person Jen is. She cares about everybody in her class, even if they’re hard to care about. Most teachers try to instill that impression in their students, but I don’t believe most of them. I think I believe in Jen, most of the time. Yeah, I’m still a skeptic. But if you even knew how hard it was for me to say that about anyone, you’d see how that’s a major statement from me.
I mainly want to say that I’m coming to terms with this Jen Leaving Business. I’m not happy about it. I’m happy for her, though. I can’t help being disappointed but that’s my issue. But I’m not disappointed in Jen. That’s the main difference between disappointment I’ve felt with other teachers and the disappointment I’m feeling now. There’s no way I feel Jen is failing us or abandoning us. It can’t be helped. I’m just sad to see her go because in this short time, she’s already had a positive effect on me. And I’m just greedy that way, I wanted more.
The title of this blog is the chorus to the eighties song by Yaz called “Don’t Go!” It just came into my head today. Yes, I know it’s kind of a stalking song. Don’t take it so literally.
And hey Meredith! If you’re reading this, I want you to know I’m glad you’re going to teach our class. I’m not sad at all that you’re the one taking over, just sad that Jen’s leaving. It’s a bit of a The Queen is Dead, Long Live the Queen situation. Sad and glad.
904 words, a few tears, and a warm smile of greeting for Meredith!