I just finished doing the assignment of that article by Fries Zarkatakita, and I’m shocked out of my senses! I believe I can’t believe what I think I just read! Thank God for this blog and the opportunity I now have to take issue with this issue that the esteemed Mr. Zapata brought up and thrust into my brain. Now let’s get on to the fun part of this homework and rip this upstart immigrant a new one.
First of all, we’re number one. I don’t care where you get your so-called stats from, Mr. Freeze. Ermerica’s the best! How dare you say all of these other countries outrank us in anything! We invented the ranking! They’re all just copying our infinite greatness. So there’s that.
Point number two. However you want to spice it up with “common sense” or “plain talking”, your whole article just reads like left-wing propaganda to me. You’ve been hanging out with Billary too much, my friend. While my brave comrades(no, that word’s commernist)–I mean, good buddies in Congress are putting up roadblocks to every kind of socierlist doctrine that the liberals are trying to shove through, you just seem to be calling it a matter of ideology or something. Well, Mr. Zachary, it’s not ideology. It’s what we believe, and we’ll fight to the death to defend our civil rights! This is the Ermerican Way that our forefathers died for! And there goes point number two.
Thirdly, you didn’t say much about our God-given military. Those soldiers of ours are busy defending the Ermerican Way in every dark corner of the earth. I want you to acknowledge that, sir. No article about Ermerica should ever give our soldiers the brush off. They’re dying and killing in every country in the whole world and spreading Ermerica wherever they go. Whether those countries want them or not, our boys are there. And girls. They let girls in the military now. That’s a whole other issue. You should have mentioned them also, because I just can’t right now.
Point the fourth: I don’t see you offering much in the way of solutions there, Mr. Zapateria. You criticize and criticize, but what would you have us do? We can’t let the liberals just have their way. You really think the founding fathers wouldn’t be rolling in their graves if they just heard the word “Democrat“? They didn’t have that party in the good old founding days, and they wouldn’t have let them in the door if they did have them. It just makes you think of ancient Greek times and perverted old men in towels running around and being all “democratic” with each other. Sheesh! So your liberal agenda really doesn’t make sense in the foundation kind of way. If it’s not in the Constitution, I don’t want any part of it, sir.
The fifth pint–I mean point, is simply this: you sound like you want to just hand the reins over to Mr. Obama. Even though you didn’t literally come out and say anything of the sort, I can read between your lines here. I can read any intention into your little article regardless if you intended it or not. You want to hand over the rein to BroncObama. And I don’t aim to let any socierlist like that near my horse. “Give Obama the wheel”, you seem to be saying. Well, no thank you. He’d probably run my truck right over my horse. In short, sir, I do not like the cut of his jib. And, no, Mr. Obama may not sail my boat, either. He may have got elected, but that doesn’t make him my president.
Sixthly(sixily?), I’d just like to say Ermerica doesn’t need any foreign ideas to make things better up in here. Those kinds of ideas are fine where they’re at, thank you very much. What’s good for the goose has no relevance to the Ermerican eagle! I mean, you’d think even a foreigner could realize that!
In closing, I would like to kindly thank you for your interest, Mr. Frank Zappa, but we don’t mean to buy any of what you’re selling. Ermerica will be fine. Always have been. Always will. And we’ll get through these dark times the same way we ever have before. Lord Jesus has blessed us with another Bush.
Crisis averted. Ermerica, you’re welcome.