Zakaria’s Punking Me, Right?

So I’ve been pondering  ways of going about this required blog entry. It needs to be some kind of workout for our essay #2. We’re to put our ideas through some extreme cardio to knock the flab off of them. I’m actually outlining this essay, which is not always how I write. No, I am not going to put my outline up here. That would not be entertaining at all. In my opinion, blogs need to have some entertainment value as well as being “in conversation” with what we’re doing in class.

I already posted a couple of leads. I guess I could do that again to up the word count on this homework blog, but I won’t. So what should I make of this blog? I could vomit out a shitty rough draft. But my rough draft’s aren’t shitty, not when I do a proper outline. And I don’t want to write the paper twice so why post it as a blog?  Oh Lord Jesus, this blog comes at an inconvenient time! I’d rather write about things other than essay #2.

But we have to do this. I suppose I could write about how I found my sources and stuff. That’s riveting. Okay, I found them online. Next! I don’t know if I’m making a tasty evidence sandwich or not. I’m going to focus more on my opinion and living examples rather than quoting my sources, though I am going to incorporate them better this time.

It’s always been tough for me(Oh, Tough, not that guy again!) to write academic papers. I can do it, but I’m never satisfied with the results. At heart, I’m a story writer. The stories can be true or fiction, but that realm is where I’m most uncomfortable. I can’t keep my personality out of the way to really just present the sober facts. Or just stay sober long enough? That’s a whole different tale…

An academic paper with annotated sources and signal phrases and all that jazz just doesn’t feel like me to me. I’d rather lay in a couple more funny lines than give up valuable paragraph real estate to a dry quote. I’m a much better feature writer or opinion writer than a news writer is what I’m saying, I guess. And I’m sure I’m only one of millions of students who feel that way. Part of my mind always rebels against the structure and content required of a research paper. So I try to forge my own way as much as I can. I tend to tack on required sources as a chore. Writing for me is something I do for fun! I still had fun writing our first essay for instance. But I felt like having to integrate Tough or Robinson was the work part. To me, my story was fine without those guys butting in. After all, they weren’t there when I was living the tale.

Of course, essay #2 is an entirely different beast. We’re not relating our own story this time but creating a paper that tackles a particular issue and we need to pull in outside sources to provide context and clarity. I mean, I could just say America’s going down the toilet and here’s why I think that, but that wouldn’t be a good paper. (Well, it could be…) But no, for this paper we actually want to think about our angle deeply and thoroughly and put it through the wringer. Find a couple sources that we think informs or conforms to our point of view and splatter them onto a page. It’s all very academic and professional. It’s our point of view, but not necessarily an opinion. More of an inquiry into what we think of a situation facing our country today. Which, yeah, is an opinion. I mean that we’re trying to not just write about our opinion but find sources that back it up. Yeah, that’s what I mean. In other words, a goddamn opinion. Disguised as a research paper. Right.


I need you to get your shit together, Dylan.

Sorry, Mr. Zakaria. I would never take your work frivolously. You’re just a different kind of writer than me. I’m trying. I’m going to try real hard on this paper and take it seriously. Just don’t stare at me like that. You’re looking into my soul and I don’t like it. I’ll buckle down. I’ll write a good paper. I’ll make you proud. You’ll be so proud to be mentioned in my paper. I won’t let you down, Mr. Zakaria. Just look away…stop staring at



Double stares!!!

 What do you want with me? I said I would do my best. Don’t you have any faith in me? Please, Mr. Zakaria. Stop haunting my blogs. I’ll get an exorcist or a ghost hunter or whatever. Just to make you stop….

Or I’ll just write essay #2 and never have to see you or hear you or read about you ever, ever again.

826 words; 9PM; 8/15/13

14 thoughts on “Zakaria’s Punking Me, Right?

  1. i absolutely look forward to reading just about anything you post! You make me giggle, and you always seem to write exactly they way the little voice in my head speaks to me.. Hope you don’t take that offensively because i am meaning to compliment you but apparently suck at it.
    Last quarter i was ex exactly where you are. My inquiry question was “Can we re-build the economy through education?’ YUP… WTFFFFFFFUDGE.. it truly was such a crappy rough draft of a paper that Jen made me cry a little in our conference. (HA-yes i cried a little , but in my defense it was a pretty FU*#ED time for me and i just lost it.) But Zakaria’s “essay” i must have read and re-read 100 times and i swear to god i think i fell asleep each time. The positive side to it though was that i finally had to come to terms with the fact that living in my ” non-reality” preferred world was not productive or realistic. So as hard as it was for me, i stopped banning the news in my house out of fear of mass depression. The news is never positive it is focused primarily on the FUC*&$D UP world we live in. Any hooooo… enough of my sailor like rambling. I just wanted to tell you i enjoy reading your stuff man!

    Peace out!

    (WC 261)

  2. See look, I read your blog. And I loved it! I appreciate that you made it not boring, not a replica of essay #2, not monotonous, and included some delightful pics of that Fareed dude staring at me like he wanted to eat a sandwich off my face. That would be a tasty evidence sandwich. Haha. I like that you also admit you aren’t a writer of things that involve structure, as neither am I. I am trying to write this paper but am struggling with resistance. I will eventually sit down and accept my fate, that I do have to write this paper in its entirety, and that I will do a damn good job of it, but politics are not my forte.
    Although, I do think there will be a bit of personal opinion allowed in this paper, there has to be…you said you were better at writing an opinion…well do it. Make it professional and credible and it will be a most delightful piece of reading!
    This has been an awkward however many words I have written, but I am sure I will need to write more. So I will ramble on about how I can’t believe we only have two weeks left of school left and then the quarter is over. And then our small group will spread apart and go our many ways, and maybe, just maybe our paths will cross again somewhere before we graduate and get on with our lives
    Anyway, depressing thoughts over. I liked your blog. Keep them coming. Your thoughts are entertaining.
    Have a most delightful weekend!

    • Everyone who looks into Fareed’s eyes on my blog will get a visit from him in the middle of the night. You’ll suddenly awaken to find him standing over your bed. He’ll have a rolled-up copy of his goddamn article in his hand which he will then shove into your throat and suffocate you. To avoid this fate, you must ingest his essay one more goddamn time and skillfully integrate his words into your essay #2. If the paper is not done by Monday, or does not appease him…you are doomed…

  3. The humor in your writing makes it very easy to read. I too am having trouble with this paper, for me it is more about the length, but I feel that it would be much more invested if I felt I was telling a story. I also feel that if I wasn’t forced to write at every turn of the road in my academic career I would write for enjoyment more often. This paper is, however, a way to tell a story through the information we have gathered. The story of our topic can be fleshed out through our writing, but the sources we gather give the hard information we need to make our papers reliable. I like what you said, that our papers are an opinion we have on something that we have researched thoroughly to back up our opinion and make it more academic. A goal of mine for my paper is to perhaps have someone use it as a source for a paper of their own one day. To have my paper be that clear and concise is all I can ask for. I can tell that your writing style will definitely make anyone devour your paper with relish. By the way, Mr. Zakaria is f***ing intense looking!

  4. Dylan, thank you. I really appreciate your thoughts so much. I’ve been having the same struggles with my writing. I like to be more anecdotal, and support my ideas from a more broad context than actual quotes. Maybe because I’m lazy, or maybe because when sharing my thoughts i don’t really care who else felt them first. Well i do care, but I don’t think I’m unique so I feel like it’s pointless to use some other humans ideas to support my own. I prefer to provide a more entertaining, picturesque experience, something that you do flawlessly and at times literally. But you’re right, we HAVE to do this, and it’s not supposed to be fun. It’s a damn research paper. From day one Jen said that if we aren’t uncomfortable, then we aren’t doing it right. And when i think of the long academic road ahead of me, putting together a 1600 word paper using three sources is a total cakewalk, and resisting the idea is really only hurting myself long-term. Sorry for talking about myself so much. You really did sum up how I’m feeling about this paper so well. I should’ve written blog 6 before reading yours because I was gonna say a lot of the same stuff but in a much less digestible/hilarious way. Thanks for all you do 🙂

  5. Hi Dylan, how are you doing in this week, we do not have regular classes, I bet every student loves it, our quarters are almost done, it is the best news ever, every person can take a nice break and advance to their goal. I wrote my paper around 1500 words. It is not a easy paper that every student needs to do a lot of works in order to meet a lot of requirement like a lot of sources to support our idea in second paper. I think you are an excellent student that always participate the class activities. Compare with I, I am just always being silent, because I do not know what I should say. I try to be active in group activities but it sounds like I do not how to make things done and working. However, every student is very nice and gives me a lot of helps, so I eventually get something done. I do very enough in same group with you. It is a fantastic experience for me to hear your great ideas and thoughts that I never think about, I thought nothing is better than brain storming. At least it is working for me. 202 words

  6. Hello Dylan!
    Bahahaha the way you go about writing your blogs is quite interesting! I enjoy reading your blogs for sure. I had a problem with this essay also, i am used to having a story of my own not grabbing information all around and making it all connected in on paper. HOWEVER, what would be the point of an English class if we wrote in styles we know very well? Wouldn’t be a point at all haha.
    As for this essay, it was pretty hard to find two articles that matched along or in some way was able to connect between Zakaria and our own question. While it is very tempting to just say what our thoughts are, it was a little difficult to keep it an actually “research” type paper… But we had to do it and we got it done (hopefully) haha

    But I do enjoy your blogs, probably one of the only people i actually read every week! Its awesome that the school quarter is almost over, but at the same time will miss your humor!

    • Actually, I’m still going to be blogging once a week on this page. The real test will be if anyone still reads them after this quarter’s over! But I guarantee I will be posting at least one blog a week for the foreseeable future. It’s a great outlet for me. So stay tuned…

  7. Gah! I feel like I lose my voice in the blogs. My last blog was the most Sarah voice any of these darn things have had and that was only because I cashed in my freebie a bit. I get all cut and paste and just want my papers to get a decent grade. I didn’t utilize my ability to be a little more formal on the blog. I enjoy you blogs because they are your voice. It’s like what I would imagine you saying if we were sitting in class. Except, please don’t bring that picture into class. I bet whatever novel you’re writing will be great. I whole heartedly agree about never wanting to read that Tough essay again. And I would much rather not be forced to use him but alas not an option for us. If you say his name three times fast do you think it will have the Beatle Juice affect? I mean you did post his picture three times but I don’t think that counts. Ah crap…I literally just read you response about Fareed being over my bed after writing the Beatle Juice comment. The timing was uncanny and I’m thoroughly creeped out…so thanks for that

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