The Fourth Nerd Triathlon: TV edition

In this running of the Nerd Triathlon, we’re going to acquaint you with three shows we are watching this season. As T of V normally ignores television, for me to watch even three new shows is a remarkable occurrence.

Are you watching? Continue reading

Douchebag of the Week

No, not a new feature on T of V. But a few days ago, I wrote an outburst on Ermerica’s First Amendment and I now feel eminently qualified to impose my opinion on the latest “Freedom of Speech” debate.

Read Free to be an Ignorant Douchebag first if you missed it….We’ll wait. Continue reading

A Christmas Carol 2013, part five

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Tiny Tim

….so besides Marley, you ghosts are different ones every time?” asked Scrooge.

Yes,” the final spirit confirmed. “Marley hires odd jobbers and the like. Just to get up in the real world again for a bit is a treat for the dead.”

Oh, certainly. Imagine it would be,” said Scrooge.

The pair had talked the rest of the night and Scrooge had learned some tantalizing details. He thought he’d put everything together.

I think I’ve put everything together. I’m a little ashamed of my ancestors,” Scrooge muttered. “I know we try to expect the best of people, but that’s no excuse for being dumb shits. This should have been figured out long ago. Oh, well. I think we can fix this mess forever.”

“What can I do?” the ghost asked.

Just get Marley to that house,” Scrooge said.

• • •

Back in the present, a knock came on the Burnsides’ door.

Who on earth could that be, Christmas morning?” Mr. Burnsides wondered.

The kids and Mrs. Burnsides looked up from their dismal fire. The father tucked the thin blanket round little Timothy’s withered legs and went to the door.

Ebenezer Scrooge charged in. Trailing him was a large catering crew from the best local restaurant, who immediately went to work loading feastly goodies on the table. Scrooge himself tucked a fat wad of bills into the confused Mr. Burnside’s  hand.

Get some nice stuff for the kids and the wife,” Scrooge said.

Before he could say anything else, in came the three visiting ghosts of the night before. Between them was the very discombobulated spectre of Jacob Marley.

So, Marley. You made a pact to torment every generation of Scrooges,” charged the current Scrooge. “This always seemed a little shaky of a premise to me. What do you get out of this? Some posh treatment in the afterlife, I imagine. Tell us the whole story.”

Marley’s ghost obviously wanted to deny the accusation, but it only took one look into Scrooge’s determined eyes to see that a denial would be fruitless.

I’ll tell,” Marley confessed. “When I was six years dead, I was summoned by dark magic. A prince of hell, masquerading as a mortal. He said he had an ingenious idea to get back at a very bad man. My old partner. Well, the first Scrooge was a miser and a misanthrope, so I was happy to oblige. But it didn’t end with him. This devil made me keep on doing the same scare bit with every generation of Scrooges. Inadvertently, he turned an entire family onto a path of good deeds because of his scheming. He got off on it the first time, you see, and he didn’t want to stop. Didn’t even care that he was sort of doing a good thing.”

” ‘Good’ is a relative term,” said Scrooge sarcastically. “So he does it because he gets his jollies from this game.”

“Indeed he does. And as you can see, he pops back in to life himself every time in order to witness the haunting first hand. He’s in this very room right now.”

“That’s all I need to know, Marley. Thanks,” Scrooge said. He whirled to the family grouped near the fireplace. “You nearly fooled even me, my friend, when I laid eyes on you. My heart broke with sympathy so much, that at first I was completely suckered. I thought for a second that I was the worst goddamn person in the world even though I’d done nothing to you. But now, the game is up!”

“What’s he mean?” Mr. Burnsides wondered.

“I’m sorry about this,” Scrooge said sympathetically to the father. “But you’ll be better for it in the end.”

Timothy suddenly leapt up from his patched chair and tried to make a run for it, but the spirits grabbed him easily and pinned him to the ground.

What are you going to do?” Timothy spat defiantly. “I’m a prince of hell!”

But you’ve been found out, my boy!” Scrooge said happily. “That places you in my power.”

Scrooge nodded at Marley’s ghost. Marley sighed and nodded back. Then, he raised his arms dramatically.

Timothy Burnsides,” the spectre boomed. “Tonight, and through-out eternity, you will be visited by—”

Ah, fuck me!” cried Tiny Tim.

Happy Holidays

{Well, that’s it. Thanks once more to Blogdramedy for running this challenge. The last chapter ran way over the word count, please forgive me. There was a lot to wrap up for such a short tale!}

The fifth part of the writing challenge BlogFestivus 2013–A Christmas Carol!

Here are the participants:

Amy penning at Fix it or Deal
Tom over at Shouts from the Abyss
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions (c’est moi!)
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering  Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy

A Christmas Carol 2013, part four

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The Ghost of Christmas Future

The grim, hooded ghost of Christmas Future pointed a skeletal finger down the grey hill. Scrooge snorted laughter.

Yeah, and here’s the bit where I spy my own grave and break down! I got a newflash for you, my spooky friend. Everyone dies. Let’s go have a look then.”

At the base of the hill was the Scrooge family plot. They were all here, from the first Scrooge to the current’s own Mum and Dad. (In his own time, they were not yet passed on.) He looked around fondly for a moment, then spotted the newest headstone. With a moment’s trepidation, he walked over and spent a time gazing over it.

Well!” Scrooge finally said. “I get another forty-three years! Not bad….We Scrooges were always a long-lived happy bunch!”

The gloomy spectre seemed to glare at Scrooge a minute. Then, it hovered over and peered through its hood’s darkness at the gravestone.

I don’t understand,” it finally said.

Ha! I thought you couldn’t talk!”

The dark spirit flung back its hood and looked at Scrooge with baffled eyes.

The engraving here says you were a community benefactor and a loving family man.” The ghost gazed around the site. “These flowers and gifts on your grave are recent. And the site is lovingly maintained.”

“Guess I made a few friends in life!” Scrooge said, wiping a slight tear from his eye. “And I’ve got a beautiful family that I’m so grateful for!”

I am befuddled,” the ghost went on. “Why are we spirits tasked with terrorizing you into changing your ways? Your ways are wonderful!”

Thank you, I appreciate that,” said Scrooge. “Why indeed? That’s the fucking question, isn’t it?”

…to be concluded

The fourth part of the writing challenge BlogFestivus 2013–A Christmas Carol!

Here are the participants:

Amy penning at Fix it or Deal
Tom over at Shouts from the Abyss
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions (c’est moi!)
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering  Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy

‘Tis the Season of Me!

Seems I have a gaggle of new awards to accept. Well done, me!

This time it’s the triple whammy of The Imagine Award, The Dragon Loyalty Award, and…there was another. Shit, hang on. Gotta look it up.

Oh, Versatile Blogger. Already got one of those…. Um, thanks? Continue reading

A Christmas Carol 2013, part three

blogfestivus2013

The Ghost of Christmas Present

The name of the family isn’t Cratchit, is it?” Scrooge wondered.

This is the family Burnsides,” the Ghost of Christmas Present informed him. “But the spirit is the same.”

The pair stood in the center of a dingy room. Three or four malnourished youngsters and their harrowed-looking mother sat around a table less-than-filled with meager edibles.

I don’t even know these people,” Scrooge grumbled. “But this is miserable. I’ll send them a check first thing in the morning.”

Hush! Here comes the father,” the spectre hissed.

The door flung wide and a thin, pallid man entered. On his back was an emaciated young boy of about seven or eight, clinging to crutches.

Oh, Christ!” Scrooge moaned. “Don’t tell me—”

The youngest of the clan. Timothy Burnsides,” the spirit said smugly.

Once the saintly little sufferer was lovingly placed in his seat at the head of the table, he beamed upon the others.

God bless us, every—-”

What the fuck!” screamed Scrooge, weeping bitterly and looking away. “I tell you I don’t even know these poor sonsofbitches! Give me the address here and I’ll come over tomorrow and give the little motherfucker whatever he wants! This is horrible, but I’m not to blame!”

The spectre merely nodded and pulled Scrooge out of the scene.

There’s always a fucking Tiny Tim,” Scrooge muttered to himself.

…to be continued

The third part of the writing challenge BlogFestivus 2013–A Christmas Carol!

Here are the participants:

Amy penning at Fix it or Deal
Tom over at Shouts from the Abyss
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions (c’est moi!)
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering  Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy

Song for a Tuesday

I wrote a song! It  looks sort of like poetry, but it’s lyrics. Actually, I wrote these lyrics to the tune of a famous song. If anyone can guess what the original song was, I’ll award you ten T of V points! (points redeemable only in your imagination)

Hint: It’s an old song. It was a number one hit. Continue reading

A Christmas Carol 2013, part two

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The Ghost of Christmas Past

The spectre of past Christmases pulled Scrooge through the wall of his childhood home. There, by the fire in a plush chair, was Ebenezer’s grandfather. At his feet, sat the young Ebenezer himself.

Behold,” the ghost whispered.

Shut up! I think this is the good part,” said Scrooge.

—you read the book, Ebbie?” his grandfather was asking.

Eight-year-old Ebenezer tossed down the copy of A Christmas Carol by Dickens.

Yeah. So you’re telling me this story is true?”

The grandfather nodded solemnly.

And this crap is gonna happen to me?” Ebbie continued.

The elder Scrooge sighed deeply.

It’s a sad truth, Ebbie. Because of our surly ancestor, all of us descendants must undergo the same trial. At the age of sixty, on Christmas Eve, you will be visited—-”

Yeah, I get it. But the Scrooges are a good family,” Ebbie protested. “We have wealth, but give freely to others. We treat our employees like family. We honor Christmas more than anyone else possibly could.”

I know, Ebbie,” the elder Scrooge commiserated.

Even the first Ebenezer repented! He changed his ways!”

It doesn’t matter. One day, the spirits will come for you, no matter how you live. It happened to me, it’s going to happen to your father in about twenty years, and it will happen to you.”

The Ghost of Christmas Past stared at the current Scrooge.

Really?” the spirit queried.

Yep,” Scrooge affirmed. “How’s that for some fucked up shit?”

…to be continued

The second part of the writing challenge BlogFestivus 2013–A Christmas Carol!

Here are the participants:

Amy penning at Fix it or Deal
Tom over at Shouts from the Abyss
Steve from Stevil
Maria-Christina blogging at MCWhispers
Dylan of Treatment of Visions (c’est moi!)
Sarah from Parent Your Business
Dawn blogging at Lingering  Visions
K8edid from k8edid
Dave bringing it at 1pointperspective
Eileen from Not The Sword But The Pen
Lindsey at RewindRevise
Kandy of Kandy Talk
Sandra writing at In Love With Words
Natalie from So I Went Undercover
Jen at Blog It or Lose It
Amelie from In the Barberry
Cee Cee blogging at Cee Cee’s Blog
Ashley from LittleWonder2
BD writing Blogdramedy

Peter O’Toole

peter o'toole

Shame on me for not getting this up sooner.

Another of the greats has left us.

Sir Peter O’Toole was pretty much the last man standing of his generation of hard-drinking, hell-raising British actors like Oliver Reed, Richard Burton, Richard Harris, Peter Finch, that I love so much. All are gone or too old to party now.

peter o'toole in the ruling class

Peter O’Toole put his all into every role he played, and every party he crashed. He put his all into Life. And we got to enjoy the hell out of it all.

Fuck Academy Awards. I think he got an honorary one at some point, but never one for any of the memorable roles he played. The Oscars are such bullshit. Just think: Peter O’Toole got no Oscars. Cary Grant got no Oscars. I could go on, I think that’s a different post there.

So raise a glass of whatever you’re drinking to Sir Peter O’Toole. And don’t forget to pour him one.

peter o'toole