A Liberal Doesn’t…

glenn beck

So as most Americans have realized, there is a deep divide between our two major political parties today; deeper, arguably, then it has ever been. Hell, most of the world has noticed that we can’t get along enough to pass the simplest of matters through our congress anymore, much less the important shit. Is this because of a difference in ideals, morals, ethics or any other pretense that both parties like to invoke, I assume sarcastically?

I think a lot of Americans tell themselves that, but that’s because they’re stupid. It’s important to keep in mind that Republicans and Democrats are different in very slight ways. Ultimately both parties serve their corporate masters, and don’t you ever believe otherwise.

I’m very liberal and I usually vote Democrat. But I hesitate to call myself a Democrat, ‘cos I see that party as only slightly of a less shitty option than Republicans. Since I do believe government has particular functions it can fulfill and have no real faith in humans acting for the greater good unless they are regulated, I’m not quite an anarchist. Hence, I vote Democrat. Not out of any great hope of change. The Democratic party is just as likely to ass-fuck us, but at least they use lube. Makes it a little nicer.

obama as killer giant robot from queen album cover

And, for the record, when some idiot conservative pundit calls President Obama a “socialist”, I used to laugh my fucking head off.  That joke has worn thin, though. The “tyrant” label is ridiculous, too. A true dictator would have abolished this congress long ago. The “antichrist” label is the real mindboggler, though. It seems like a joke at first, but there are people who really believe this shit. I went and googled “Obama antichrist” and found the delightful photoshopped gems sprinkled through this post. (And if you think these are bad, google that term yourself and see the stuff I chose not to put up.)

It’s this demonization of liberals and the president today that gets to me. The bitterness, hate and bile are so thick! Perhaps it’s a matter of bad translation of what our motives are. Though I don’t believe the two major parties are very different at their core, I’ll grant you they do have a wide difference on a handful of issues. Conservatives, either through willfull/innocent ignorance or because they are flat-out lied to (Hello, Fox!), often misunderstand the reasons that liberals take the positions they take. Please allow me to hit upon a few items that I believe cause some confusion to our more conservative brethren and sistren.

obama as antichrist

A Liberal Doesn’t Aim to Take Your Guns

Any time random people are slaughtered by a maladjusted maniac with a gun–here in the States, we call that a Tuesday–the right wing has a collective hissy fit and bears down on their “right to bear arms”. (They seem to have a definition of the Second Amendment and an understanding of the English language that differs from mine, but I’ll address that another time.) This Republican “circling of the wagons” just comes off as callous and unsympathetic to victims of gun violence. The thing is, liberals just want guns to be better regulated, they want them safer, and they want them away from children and people with violence issues.

That’s it. They don’t want them abolished, or taken away from responsible people. If you love your guns and don’t shoot people with them, have at it. Liberals don’t give a fuck about registered guns in the hands of people without criminal records. But the fact that fifteen year-old kids with histories of troubled minds and sociopathy can get guns through loopholes in the law and then take them to school like a demonic version of “show and tell” (or “shoot and kill” rather) is abominable. No one sane in America would call this situation okay. Yet when a liberal calls for any new regulation, the Republicans double-down and don’t give an inch. They argue against filling out forms and trigger guards, for fuck’s sake! Backed by the monolithic NRA, who even has a number of Democrats in their hunting vest pocket, this is a common-sense fight that will probably never be won.

And innocent people will continue to die for politics. When a few regulations and stricter controls on free range gun shows and the like would save so many.

obama with constitution

A Liberal Doesn’t Feed on Aborted Fetuses

You’re either against abortion, in the minds of conservatives, or a murderer of babies. It’s like they picture liberals at black masses handing out aborted fetuses to the congregation for hors d’oeuvres. That’s terrible, conservatives! I know I just wrote that, but you fuckers think it. Admit it.

Look, many liberals actually don’t like abortion. It’s not the killing of potential humans that we are protecting, it’s the right of the woman to choose. There are many reasons having abortion be legal is a practical option. Some conservatives don’t even consider the health of the mother or pregnancies caused by rape to be a valid reason! I know you paint those women who get abortions as narcissists or raging sluts who use this method for birth control. That’s simply not the case. (Not always.) In fact, abortions are going down year by year, probably because of increased sex education and contraceptive options.

Ultra-religious conservatives are usually against those things, too.

Do they think if the law were abolished and abortion illegal again that it would stop? It would not. It would just become unsafe again and mothers would die, too. Desperate females would still seek out abortions for unwanted pregnancies as they have throughout human history.

I can’t even joke about this stuff. It’s just sad. No one sane thinks killing potential babies is a great thing. But we’re imperfect humans in a largely fucked-up world, and nasty realities are a fact of life.

obama giving the finger

A Liberal Doesn’t Want to Abolish Your Religion

Heh heh, though the thought of a world without religion is like a wet dream to a lot of us.

But look, I know some people’s beliefs are sincere. And folks seem to need their religion. So go to it. Knock yourself out rolling on the floor and speaking in tongues and shit. Then lunch. Waffle House and Cracker Barrel always tastes best after being moved by the spirit.

Liberals just don’t want it pushed on them, okay? We are very wary of religion inordinately influencing public policy. And when you cross a liberal with a science-fiction lover, in other words–me, you get a person who is passionately against a theocracy in any form. After all, The United States of America was founded in the Age of Reason when people were shuffling off the dark blinders of dogma and trying to usher in a true age of Man.

This didn’t quite happen, sadly. And religion is mostly to blame for that, in my opinion. Science-denying, original thought-crushing, religion. Even today, in the 21st fucking century, we have theologically-driven candidates in America who frankly scare the shit out of liberals.

So my headline above may not be completely accurate. The liberal aim may not be to abolish religion. But we still would prefer it completely kept out of our politics. There is just too much difference of opinion, even among christians. The current belief among Tea Party-type ultra-conservatives seems to be that all liberals are godless. This is a lie. I would venture that the majority of liberals in America are still going to some form of church and consider themselves believers of God. At least half, anyway. Still, they want to uphold our own Founders’ beliefs that Church and State be separate. They had their reasons back then, you know. People of European descent definitely knew what religious oppression could do.

obama apocalypse

A Liberal Doesn’t Hate America

No no no a million times no! But whether conservatives will admit it or not, America is a work in progress. Liberals try to believe we can keep pushing forward and making things better. We criticize because we love. I know conservatives and liberals disagree a little about how we should get there. Ultimately, though, I want to believe that we all want the same things.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Am I right?

cumberbatch thumbs up

America! Fuck yes!

See you next Friday, if I don’t see you before…

14 thoughts on “A Liberal Doesn’t…

  1. I loved this post. As a foreigner (I’m an Australian) we often only hear about the extremes of American politics, and are truly baffled by the resistance to gun ownership control laws. I really love reading an American intelligently critiquing aspects of their own culture. (Don’t worry, I also love reading or listening to intelligent Australians critiquing our culture, too!)
    In case you’re not aware of it, the conservative party here in Australia is called the Liberal party, which is very confusing for people from overseas who do a double-take when they hear small-l liberals (such as you and I) bagging capital-L Liberals (the bastards who are running our nation into the ground). It adds another layer of humour to your post, for me anyway 🙂
    Love your work. Looking forward to next Friday.

    • Thanks! You know, I aimed this post at non-Americans so they might understand how tough it is to be sensible in America nowadays. As for us who find ourselves caught in the middle of all this nonsense, well, we’re just trying to keep from bashing our own heads in. “Liberal” has nasty connotations over here and I plan to do more of these posts. Whether it helps clear up the fog people are living in or not, I don’t know. But I’ll keep trying….

      • Good on you! I don’t know how I would manage, living in today’s America. From an outside perspective, things just seem so … strange. We hear about massacre after massacre (as you say, “Tuesdays”, lol) and then see images of people rallying against gun control. We hear about welfare benefits being cut, then hear right-wing conservatives railing against abortion (in other words, forcing some women into an unwanted pregnancy which may well push them below the poverty line). And your healthcare system – wow! I post about mental health, and some of the stories I hear about people who are denied or not eligible for care almost make me want to cry.
        Not that other nations, mine included, have everything sorted, but America is such a huge player on the world stage and holds itself up as such a shining example that I guess it’s natural to take an interest in American politics. So yes, I really did enjoy reading your post, and I look forward to more to come.

  2. I think “liberal” became a dirty word back during the Carter/Reagan election.
    At this point, a lot of it is niche-programming brain washing. both sides get so demonized continuously.
    Maybe we should nuke DC, turn it into a parking lot, and start over.

  3. Unfortunately for those of us who are liberals, the Republicans and conservatives are so much better as spin doctors that they’ve convinced way to many people that liberals are all of the things you rightfully say we are not. Great post.

  4. Thirty years ago as a young lobbyist in DC, I couldn’t see the difference between Republicans and Democrats. Republicans were a little bit more conservative economically; Dems were pushing more for social programs. It was a see-saw.

    No more. The differences are stark. The Republicans want to take, keep, hoard.

    The difference gets more pronounced daily. They don’t accept defeat — in an actual election as opposed to Dubya’s “election victory” in the Supreme Court.

    someday I hope it will be different to see the difference. Now? It’s clear. If you don’t have many $ millions in the bank, the GOP says fuck you.

    • The Ayn Randians have risen up in the Republican party that’s for sure, as well as the militant Tea Baggers. But I still think there are enough conservatives in the middle that we could get things done. (Except they are all running scared of the extremists.) If they don’t win the presidency back in 2016, I hope things will get more back to normal…

      • All the moderates (who were considered VERY conservative back in the day) are losing — being crazied out. The GOP isn’t running any non-crazies. And the crazier the better. They have been pounded frequently and it doesn’t matter. That, IMHO, is because they have no foothold in reality.

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