So its high time for another running of T of V’s Nerd Triathlon. This is an event where I weigh in on a trio of topics of dire consequence to the World Legion of Geeks and Fanatics. Limbered up and ready to go?
It’s a Nice Day for a…Red Wedding
I don’t watch Game of Thrones. But everyone on the internet with half an interest knows the hysterical grief that the penultimate episode of season three caused. Robb Stark, his pregnant wife, his fierce mother Catelyn and his retinue were cruelly slaughtered by Hogwarts’ own Mr. Filch…or Walder Frey if you like.
“Oh, George R. R. Martin!” the cries rang out. “How could you do this? You’re a monster! A demon! You hate your characters! You hate your fans! Why? Oh, why? And when the fuck do we get the next book?”
Shit. But hey, calm down, Thronies. Relax. If he wants to kill your favorite character, there’s not much you can do—they’re already dead.
Now I don’t watch the show, but I keep up with it. I am interested in how they adapt this story to television. I’ve read all the books. The reason I don’t watch every episode of Thrones is that I already know what is going to happen. No suspense, you see. Probably when the story is complete (if ever!) and the show has wrapped up, I will watch it in its entirety from beginning to end. Right now, I just don’t have the patience.
The tone of the show and how it handles some matters appears to be different from how I reacted to the books. When Robb spurned Frey’s daughter in the novel, I fully expected him to die for it. How the story unfolded was the gut-wrenching part, not the fact that Robb and Catelyn got killed. I mean, his mother and advisors told him he was being stupid. By the rules of the world these characters inhabit, poor dumb Robb kind of deserved what he got.
Personally, I felt while reading the book that Robb Stark was a fool.
It’s not that he didn’t have good qualities. He was a nice enough guy, and he would have made a decent King. Face it, though, he was a pale imitation of his father. Secure the Iron Throne, dude, then you can pretty much do what you want. Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter can be your mistress and the one you truly love. Just secure the throne first! But regrettably, Robb was not the master of reason, let’s admit that. To me, his death was no great loss.
As of the end of Book Five, A Dance with Dragons, Tyrion and Daenerys are still alive and those are the two I like the best. So I’m good.
I don’t want to completely spoil the story for you non-readers. (Well, that’s a lie. I do want to, but I won’t.) Let me just say that Joffrey* and Tywin are finally going to fucking get it this season. At least they should, if I’ve judged the pace the series is going at correctly. That might help fans get over Robb’s quite justified murder.
*Joffrey finally died in last week’s episode. Did all you Stark-lovers enjoy that?
What would I like to see happen in Westeros? Let’s get the Imp and the Mother of Dragons together! I’d love to see those two win the Iron Throne. Even a threesome with Jon Snow would be cool, even though it appears at the end of Book Five that Jon may be—oops! Nevermind! Anyway, Lady Catelyn may not be completely—oops again!
We’d better move on.
The Scouring of the Hobbit
T of V actually gave the second film of Peter Jackson’s Hobbit trilogy a pretty good review during its theatrical run. Recently I picked the Blu-Ray up and I must downwardly revise my take on this one. At least a bit.
Still love the world, and there are some great set pieces here. But the elongation and distortion of this simple, gorgeous tale of heroism is not well-served by the bombastic and grandiose treatment. Sure they wanted to serve up films that would reflect the same drama and glory that was achieved with the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but it feels like it’s causing the derangement of the story this time.
Lord of the Rings is an epic trilogy of books that were made into some goddamn epic movies. But the Hobbit was intended by Professor Tolkien to be a lighter tale, full of fun escapes and thrilling action. The last act with the dragon Smaug attacking Lake-town and the climactic Battle of the Five Armies was a bit darker in tone, to foreshadow LOTR. Overall, though, the Hobbit should be fun. More of a romp, with the emphasis on adventure rather than violence.
I’ll probably watch these movies dozens of times because they are quite well-made. There’s still a lot to like about them. But I now admit the hope that someday the Hobbit gets remade more in the vein of the actual novel.
The Final Controversy
For our final controversy of the week, I’ve got nothing. I could ramble about Batfleck, how well-fed the Hunger Games characters look, Agent Coulson or whatever, but most of those I’ve addressed before. So I thought T of V might create our own controversy right here and now.
What do you think?
How about this?
Of all the modern-day Sherlock Holmes interpretations we enjoy today: Robert Downey Jr., Jonny Lee Miller, and…oh, that other dude—which is the best?
Um, yeah. What’s the problem, big guy? Can’t take a little competition? So my vote goes to—-
………….hang on, people. I guess we’d better do this later. The Cumberbatch has grown a scruffy beard and is threatening to cut off one of his ears. We’d better call it a day.
…to be continued…